i am penelope

PENELOPE

I am one of the Penelope’s of this world. I am disguising behind my exterior. People see me as a lanky 21 year old girl with nothing worthy between my head. I stood 5’4” tall with untidy cumbersome short black hair. I have pimples spread over my round face like a newly cooked sunny side up egg over a heated pan. I don’t have a snout like that of a pig or a pig-headed people would have had but my nose is fashioned like that of a distant cave. My lips can turn very scarlet after a very painful bite while resisting hunger. Oh, then there’s my eyebrows. They seemed to map a quarter of my face. My eyelashes can be very attractive, lush and long like that of a raven’s wing following a tearless whimper. My eyes marvel the unhappiness in my soul. I have a fair complexion marred by an odd birthmark on my right face. I am hairy, cursed like that of a bear. I wore rags and I smell like trash.

You see, you think I’m ugly.

But have you seen enough to judge me? Take a closer look.

I am a princess. And I hate to camouflage anymore. I stand as a dignified woman with sense and substance behind my words. I plan with certainty, work with confidence and walk with conviction. I have an optimistic sketch of my future. I believe I can do what I decently desire in life with the right attitude, determination and willpower. I have a strong faith in God and I have a sane mind to accept failures and disappointments in life. I love my pimples; they at least remind me to slow down and de-stress, to repair the ruins of my past, and be a human being again. Pimples prompt me to visit the facial center and relax on the spa after a very excruciating facial treatment. But who cares about the torture on my face and the soreness thereafter? Beauty after all is coupled with pain. I envy the nose of Penelope Cruz with its perfect porcelain contour, but I am satisfied with my not so Hollywood nose that at least could smell right and protect me from the strains of Influenza A H1N1 virus (with the cilia still intact, a dose of 500mg Vitamin C, and a healthy lifestyle).

I am insatiable. A cup and a half of rice paired with adobo will not satisfy my hunger. I crave for deeper and more important things in this world. I long for an honest government that will lead its people to unity and progress. I yearn for the harmony of Filipino people to help each other up and to not push each other down. For what will destroying each other’s welfare benefit us? I wish for the faithful day that Filipinos will not slave their selves abroad to feed the empty stomachs of their brothers and sisters. For how will dollars and pounds compensate if children are left in rebellion and in loose discipline? Will a bungalow offset a drug addict son or a pregnant daughter?

I once looked at Madonna’s eyebrows with wonder. And at my eighteenth years of existence, I went to a parlor to have my eyebrows plucked the way hers was impeccably shaped. I did cried after almost half of the width of my eyebrows was pulled off. It was unbearable and I thought for a moment that I wasn’t breathing. When I looked at the mirror, (holy cow) I can’t believe it, but I looked great. So, from that day on, I embrace changes that come with the passing of time. It is hard to let go of what we are used to and to leave memorable things behind. But isn’t it amazing to discover new things and feel the thrill of that experience? Fear can cripple the adventurous cells of our body and we live in total darkness forever. We have to face the anxieties head up high and chin up. Somewhere along the road is a better opportunity revealed only to the brave and bold of hearts. So let’s work hand in hand and find out how we can be a better citizen not only to our country but to our fellow Filipino as well and to be a an active Children of God not only in churches and chapels but to the needy and homeless.

Beauty is selfless. And I am trying hard to purge the egocentric viruses in my stomach nauseating me like hell. I choose to be productive today, sweat out my excess fat and polish the irregularities of my brain. I hate to be feed and I honestly felt useless. How can I stand the shame of just sitting prettily in a couch watching the movie 27 Dresses when my father is carrying hundreds of kilos of fertizer sacks every day just to send us to decent private schools? How can I remain unfeeling when my mother overdo her usual thinking and accounting work just to give us reasonable allowances for one week? I can never put down my beloved grandmother who brought me up to be a responsible person. Even in her grave, Lola Masing never failed to give me that assurance and confidence in times of uncertainty. I owe my flair in writing to my dear Lolo Delfin who constantly fills my book shelf with Reader’s Digest, The Philippine Star and The Philippine Daily Inquirer. Maybe the good old man plans to enlist me in the US army the way he graced the USAFFE as a 2nd Senior Lieutenant or probably he just want to share his passion for reading. I will never know. But whatever it was in his shrewd thoughts, he sure produced a writer and a speaker in me. I salute you Señor Delfin for seeing through me. I will always treasure my Papa Doy for that determination and willpower he has in life. He taught me to fight as long as what I am fighting for is right. He sure knew that his granddaughter will need every ounce of grit in her chosen career in life.

I am very proud to be their granddaughter. They make me beautiful.

Rough roads may delay the course of my adventure. Bad weathers and doubts may cloud my mind. Misunderstandings amongst each may trigger confusion and then disarray. Thorns will wound me and scar me for life. These are few of the ugly things that are meant to happen to strengthen my bearing and confidence. It will make me stronger, wiser and more beautiful in life.

Like you, like them, I am one of the Penelope’s in this world. But I have chosen to reveal who I really am. I have shown you my heart and have revealed my soul for you to see through me clearly. I am beautiful you see…the most beautiful.