i know what's killing me

I have been thinking all night about gun shots, stab wounds, cardiac arrest, brain damade and the worst physical and medical torture that can end my life. It has been my habit ever since I learned the word death 20 years ago. the thought of how my very life will come to an end is creeping into my subconscious like a nightmare...bloody, gory and ghastly! I am imagining precious, scarlet blood dripping on the floor like a shards of broken dreams.